Radiohead and the planes flying above.

I'm listening to Radiohead right now and letting them express my feelings. It's just crazy how much shit you get hit with in life. But its amazing how you can get up and say, "didn't hurt." I find myself blogging at my best times and my worst times. Sometimes just being silent is best when being attacked by a loved one. I just got attacked by my wife about bills and supposedly returning to my own ways. I take a look at her comments and I take a deeper look within myself. I am doing good at my job and am working on more contract work. I attend my celebrate recovery meetings and am still going to AA every once in a while. I'm starting to workout again and am making proactive movements in my life. I've accepted who I am and continue to fight to become a better person everyday. If I began to slag, sometimes I get depressed. But I'm finding myself getting up faster every time. I'm truly at piece with myself because I know that know matter what, my happiness comes from me. Mistakes that others make I can give grace and try to fix but when it comes to me being a bigger person... I'm getting better at not Attacking because Ive been attacked. As I sit in my backyard and watch airplanes fly over and look at the moon peek through the clouds Im evaluating myself. All things that were a block in my life are still there. I'm just jumping over them or moving around them.

Staying alive and not taking your own crap anymore

When I first started this blog, I was around the middle of a huge metamorphosis in my life. I had begun to understand myself and began to finally understand the full picture and discover where the pieces went all together. I began to understand myself, where I am strong..... and where I am weak. I have had enough rejection and failure in my life to expect it. But where I am suppost to give up, I find I need to keep going. Finish what I start and you know what, it feels good. There's nothing wrong with being a person of many things as long as you still finish at some point all the things you start. I am truly myself and I am truly unique in my own way. I'm me and no one else's besides God.  Not taking crap anymore from myself opens a door but it needs to be done in a well conducted way. Not getting upset and letting my anger take hold of me but knowing how to keep myself and not become someone else's. Abstinence to all and every input that controls me are pulls my feelings. No longer being a consumer of more than I produce. That's my happy place.